Sir Alex didn’t even give us a chance to usher in the new season before blasting Rafa. As I was sitting back preparing of all my one-liners, quick witted comments, and jotting down all the different ways I could cleverly turn Magpies into something relegation related, Ferguson jumped out with a pre-season attack that will shake Rafa to the core. And so it begins.
Ferguson to the Sun: “Liverpool had probably their best season for 20 years and still finished four points adrift. It will be hard for them to match last season, let alone improve on it. Other teams will know more about them, so it has to be Chelsea as the main threat. Ancelotti will play the Milan way. It brought him two European Cups – it should have been three because they should never have lost to Liverpool, so why should he change?”
Slamming probably the greatest moment in Benitez’s Liverpool career is setting the bar pretty high. This feud could be epic, or, most likely, it could be like that time in elementary school where I stood up to the class bully.
Much like Ferguson, I decided (for an unknown reason) to launch a quick, swift, blindside attack, and I crushed him in the side of the head with my lunch bag. This lunch bag contained a Tupperware bowl full of spaghetti that, suffice it to say, made an awesome noise as it exploded across his face. He stood there stunned, much like Benitez right now, and then quickly proceeded to choke me and lift me up against the bus. It was quickly broken up by the playground staff, and we were ushered to our neutral corners. I felt elated, like I should have won some sort of award for my attack. However, my reward was getting lunch detention, missing recess, sitting next to the bully, minus my spaghetti.
I have a feeling that after the rants and comments are over, we will all be sitting here, feeling empty, and wondering why this happened in the first place.