ASTON VILLA STUNS LIVERWURST 3-1!!!
Yes, Aston Villa dominated at Anfield today. Yes, my Mayan friends and I were right. Yes, destiny determined the better team and the better team was clearly the Villains. And yes, Liverwurst is the most over-rated team in the Premier league. But no, I’m not going to gloat. That would be tacky and in poor taste. That is why I’m asking my friend “Frank” to take over the typing right now so he can do the gloating for me. Bluaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Liverpool sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, Franks’s gone. I’m back. Let’s be honest here, Aston Villa could have only played Brad Friedel and a moderately trained Mandrill monkey and still come out on top. Friedel was an impenetrable wall, stopping everything the red and white threw at him. Friedel reminded me of my wife’s chastity belt when we were dating; iron-clad, stubborn, and no matter how many hands, feet, and squirrely tricks thrown its way… it remained a bastion of defense. So well done, Villains! Well done, Friedel. And as the legendary singer Freddy Mercury used to say, “The more you fight, the more this is gonna hurt. Best you just sit back and enjoy it.” So Premier league… we can do this two ways. I’ll give you a week to decide. Atta boy, Villains! You truly are Destiny’s Child!