My hair is a mess, I feel fat, I have cramps, and you’re taking ME out of the game?

1 07 2010

Bert van Marwijk, the coach of the Netherlands, has asked his team to unite and come together when they face Brazil on Friday. This order came from the reports that “Nancy Boy” Robin van Persie had a hissy fit for being taken off the pitch during the 2-1 win over Slovakia. Little Robbie felt that midfielder Wesley Sneijder should have been the one taken out instead of him.

Robin had this to say after the match:

“I wanted to finish the game. I thought they would take risks in the last 10 minutes and I wanted to exploit that, I could see spaces opening up and I wanted to use them, so I was a bit shocked when I had to go off.”

OHHH…..too…..many…..comments……to…….say…….must……get…….help!!!

You won the game Nancy!! Stop bitching!!

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Good Luck………Goodluck Ebele Jonathan

30 06 2010


Goodluck Ebele Jonathan (center) is the president of Nigeria and has a pretty powerful approach of inspiring his country’s national soccer team. Since Nigeria failed to advance out of their group and since they were one of the heavy favorites out of the African teams in the World Cup, Goodluck has felt it necessary to take matters into his own hands and use his powers as president to lead, encourage, inspire, and demonstrate his love for the beautiful game by……….suspending the entire Nigerian national soccer team from competing in any international competitions for two years due to the embarrassing and horrific performances during World Cup play.

The BBC reported:

Nigeria’s president has suspended his nation’s football team from international competition for two years after a poor showing at the World Cup.

Special presidential adviser Ima Niboro told reporters the decision by Goodluck Jonathan will “enable Nigeria to reorganize its football.”

He said: “This directive became necessary following Nigeria’s poor performance in the ongoing World Cup.”

Uhhhhhhhhh am I missing something? Does this make any sense to anyone? I understand that the country needs to retool its program but not allowing them to compete at the top levels for two-years!?!? I almost find it harder to believe that the president of Nigeria actually has a name like Goodluck Jonathan.

Well, good luck to you Goodluck…………Good luck.





FIFA World Cup Trophy Stolen!!

29 06 2010

Actually it was just seven replica trophies stolen. The Associated Press released the breaking story today that the FIFA headquarters had in fact been broken into and seven replica world cup trophies had been stolen. There was no sign of break in and officials think that it may have been an inside job.

Gen. Bheki Cele said at a security briefing Tuesday, “We know that there was a burglary at the FIFA offices where they took seven replicas of the World Cup.”

Cele says official FIFA clothing was also taken.

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/world-cup/story/_/id/5339028/ce/us/world-cup-trophy-replicas-stolen-fifa-offices-south-africa?cc=5901&ver=us

In a related story World Cup referee Koman Coulibaly (the referee that called the phantom foul on the USA vs Slovenia) was seen entering a Hooters restaurant in Paris France were witnesses said he had presented a number trophies to some of France’s larger than life players. When asked what he thought he was doing, Koman simply replied, “I thought France had won. That’s the way I saw it and I call em like I see ’em. I saw them win and saw them conduct themselves with the up most class. Team France are winners.”

Hmmmm interesting.





Biggest Win In U.S. Soccer History?

23 06 2010


ESPN has a new poll out asking that same question. With over 37,000 votes recorded an over whelming majority believe that this 1-nil win over Algeria is in fact the biggest win in U.S. mens soccer history. To be honest I really have to agree with this poll. Watching this match with my fellow soccer supporters, drinking beer at 7:00am, standing up and sitting down a thousand times, and knowing what a win would mean for this country was almost unbearable for 90+ min. But when Landon Donovan scored the only goal in the 91st min, all the stress left my body………in the form of a yell that made my throat so raw that it hurts to whisper even as I’m typing this post. This truly is an amazing day for U.S. soccer!!

I don’t really even feel bad for the Algerian team. Based on the way most of the players look I’m sure they are already headed to the nearest rave going on in South Africa. I actually read an article that said 12 players from the Algerian national team had traveled to South Africa with plenty of extra glow sticks, Ecstasy, pacifiers, and back up tight-fitting Algerian jerseys.

All in all well done U.S. Now bring on Ghana………rhea!!!!!





A Letter To Lionel Messi

22 06 2010

 

Dear Messi,

I just finished watching you play for team Argentina were you beat team Greece 2-nil. And I have to say that you really impressed me. Your first touch is absolutely amazing. Being that your only 23 years old and leading your country in the largest stage in the world is pretty incredible. This past season playing for Barcelona were you recorded 34 goals in league play. Man you are on the top of your game!

But Messi, I really have a bone to pick with you. You are only 23 years old and make over 9.5 million pounds a year from Barcelona. You travel all over the world and are loved by millions……..but seriously……what are you thinking with your hair?!?!?! Have you looked in a magazine or watched a movie? No one has a business in the front party in the back bowl cut anymore! You look like Jose Canseco in the 80’s when he played for the Oakland A’s and was doing forearm bumps with Mark McGwire. Do you drive a Trans Am? Do you wear a jean jacket? Do you peg your pants? Do you listen you Def leopard? Cause you look like you do!! When I look at your highlights it looks like I’m watching the episode of Knight Rider when David Hasselhoff had to play football to stop a drug lord from selling crack to inner city kids {Kit had to come and save the day once again….it was was pretty sweet!}.

But really I just wanted to write you this letter Messi, asking you to please change the hair. It really looks bad.

Your Friend,

Jacob





Au Revoir Caca Bouche

20 06 2010

Nicolas Anelka was just kicked off the French World Cup squad yesterday for getting into a heated argument with French manager Raymond Domenech. Cry Baby Anelka has been reported to have verbally attacked Domenech and then refusing to apologize. This all was stemming from team France getting their asses handed to them by team Mexico.

First of all a part of me would want to lash our irrationally if I was humiliated by team Mexico. CBA {Cry Baby Anelka} has been under a lot of pressure since the lack of performance in some of Frances World Cup friendlies and in the opening match with Uruguay which ended in a nil nil finish.

Secondly are any of us really surprised by CBA’s actions? Who does he play for in the EPL? What type of player is able to look at his face in the mirror every morning and still play for Chelsea? That type of person is the same one that would get kicked off his own country’s national team, have the ego to verbally attack your boss, disgrace the beautiful game, and think he is in the right.

Monsieur Anelka, you are a douche!





Manchester United = Confederate Army

18 06 2010

The American Civil War was a very brutal and disturbing time the U.S. This war saw the division of many towns, friends, and families. We read about the country being dividing into two; neighbors turning against neighbors, fathers turning against sons, and BROTHER turning against BROTHER.

The war came down to two different beliefs. The south: which stood for a way of thinking that dehumanized men, women, and children. They held themselves up as being greater than the rest of the land and greater than all those who did not appear to look like them. And the north: which stood for freedom, freedom for all mankind. Liberty and equality for all.

With the 2010-2011 season’s fixtures being released earlier in the week we see a repeat of history and of what we all have read before. Brother against brother as Newcastle United will face Manchester United on their opening day match. Newcastle United are from the north and are a club that play for the people and for all of mankind. Manchester United are from the south [at least south of Newcastle] and perceive themselves as being better than the rest, just like the southern states during that tragic period in American history.

So Sean…my brother…we will have to do battle my friend. I don’t want to but we must. So in ending this post I have one question for you………….Who won the Civil War?

WE DID!!!!!