Yanks take over the EPL!!

10 08 2010

I love Aston Villa. I love the US…. to think that I may get my two favorite things in the same bottle brings a tear to my eye. It’s like being able to drop a deuce in Vegas while I smoke a cigar and nibble on shrimp cocktail. Tommy likey. Tommy want wingy. Hey Chuck, you know that new sound you been lookin’ fo? Well, listen to this…

United States head coach Bob Bradley is being considered for a career-defining move to the English Premier League with Aston Villa!!!!

Oh, and screw Martin “Shizzah eater” O’Neil!!!


Drogba takes a Chelsea on the beach

1 07 2010

My friend, “Man U Sean”, started a trend of renaming the Chelsea bandwagon bitches “Poo” and/or any variance on human feces, and I want to make sure it stays strong. So this is just your friendly Aston Villa reminder to never again use the filthly word “Chelsea.” From this day forth they are known as Poo/Poo Mongers/Mr Poobody/Poo Diddy Combs/Pooma/Will work for Poo/Vegan Poo/etc… I apologize that this is all 3rd grade material but there is just something about Poo/Chelsea that makes me want to eat glue, wet myself, and clean chalk board erasers.

*Pic was taken when Drogba was on vacation in Hawaii and didn’t want to walk the 15 feet to the head… I hate Drogba.

Villa’s in our blood, right Mr. Hanks?!

13 06 2010

I would first like to apologize for my long absence from posting. My only excuse is that I was busy fighting Chelsea fans from luring young boys into their vans down by the river. I’d like to say I fought the good fight and saved every innocent child… I did not. Chelsea has proven again that money can buy you wins, players, and apparently pre-pubescent kiddos. But I digress, yes that is THE Tom Hanks holding up his villa scarf proudly. Even Tom Hanks swears by the mighty villains!! Tom Hanks is one of the most successful actors of our time. He is known for his movies BIG, CASTAWAY, and PHILADEPHIA where he won an academy award for his portrayal of a Chelsea fan, and what its long term effects can be.

I just wanted to say that Mr. Hanks has class, charm and good taste in football clubs. Villa is in our blood. Much like Newcastle gets in your blood from sharing needles or inter-species mating.

So all I have to say is…


The Magpies Roll Back To The Premier League In Style

20 04 2010

Newcastle United clinched promotion a few weeks ago but the question on my mind as well as many other fellow supporters {Shawn…we did it my friend} was: Will Newcastle stroll back to the Premier League in second place or will they finish out the Championship season as champions? That question was answered on Monday the 19th when the Magpies defeated Plymouth Argyle 2-0 and secured the League Championship title.

Chris Hughton will lead the club next Monday the 19th for their last home match against 13th place Ipswich Town and attempt to complete an undefeated home record. Our current record is 29 wins, 11 draws, and 4 losses giving us a total of 98 points with 2 matches remaining. With a record like this even a Chelsea fan has to admit that NEWCASTLE UNITED ARE ROLLING BACK TO THE PREMIER LEAGUE IN STYLE!

Van Persie Freaks Out Against Tottenham

1 11 2009

Arsenal destroyed Tottenham 3 to nil on Saturday. Robin Van Persie put on a show with 2 goals, one in the 42min and another in the 60th. Robin was on his way to goal number 3 in the 82min with a clear break away when he suddenly lost control of his entire body. Robin later confessed that he caught sight of a very large spider directly in the path of the ball. He said “I just got scared. My body went into fight or flight mode and I obviously freaked out like a little girl before her first ballet recital”.  You can see Robin Van Persie’s freak out here:

You cut me deep Reds. Manchester United 0 Liverpool 2.

26 10 2009


I had my POST-MATCH smack post all lined up and ready to go.  I was going to smack Jason, and smack him good.  I thought for sure we would pounce on what Sir Alex called a “wounded animal” and take care of business.  It turns out that I was the one getting smacked.

At least I got to watch the horror alone, without the clever remarks and the constant “ooooooo” that would have been flung at me by my fellow Thugs, as Livapoo pressed all game.  Liverpool played like they had to win, and United played like we shouldn’t lose, and you all know where that gets you.  Without a killer instinct, the best result you can get is a draw, and Liverpool wouldn’t even allow that.

The upside is that whenever United and Liverpool square off, the Thug that is victorious owes the losing Thug a beer.  I arrived home to not only one beer,  but to an entire six pack.  That’s how bad the loss felt, and how good the win must have felt for Jason.  Well played J, well played.

Bolton’ to the top. Manchester United 2 Bolton 1.

19 10 2009

Mountain Top View

Thanks to an inspired pre-match smack by Andy (see post below), Aston Villa picked Chelsea up early Saturday morning (remember we are West Coast stateside), put them in their golden high chair, got out their diamond encrusted silver spoon, and fed them a warm bowl of shutty stew.

This opened the path for United to sit at the summit of the league again. 2-1 victory later that is where we are.  Why bore you with the details, just enjoy the peace and quiet of the view.

It’s a nice view up here boys, a nice view.