Manchester United = Confederate Army

18 06 2010

The American Civil War was a very brutal and disturbing time the U.S. This war saw the division of many towns, friends, and families. We read about the country being dividing into two; neighbors turning against neighbors, fathers turning against sons, and BROTHER turning against BROTHER.

The war came down to two different beliefs. The south: which stood for a way of thinking that dehumanized men, women, and children. They held themselves up as being greater than the rest of the land and greater than all those who did not appear to look like them. And the north: which stood for freedom, freedom for all mankind. Liberty and equality for all.

With the 2010-2011 season’s fixtures being released earlier in the week we see a repeat of history and of what we all have read before. Brother against brother as Newcastle United will face Manchester United on their opening day match. Newcastle United are from the north and are a club that play for the people and for all of mankind. Manchester United are from the south [at least south of Newcastle] and perceive themselves as being better than the rest, just like the southern states during that tragic period in American history.

So Sean…my brother…we will have to do battle my friend. I don’t want to but we must. So in ending this post I have one question for you………….Who won the Civil War?

WE DID!!!!!


Guess Who Is Coming To Your Club…

28 05 2010

Thats right its transfer rumour time!!! I HATE IT!!!!! My “breaking news” sites that I check everyday for the latest news on Newcastle United  {as well as I’m sure every other club} is full of he said she said of who is coming and going for next season squad. None of these rumours ever end up being true and it really is just a waste of time but here are a few potential transfers that I have read over the last 2 weeks:

-Fernando Torres to Manchester City

-Steven Gerrard to Celtic

-Cesc Fabregas to Barcelona

-Steven Taylor to Arsenal

-Marlon Harewood to Newcastle United

-Jermaine Beckford to Newcastle United

-Didier Drogba to LAFC Chelsea {womens league cuz he is a bitch}

-Robin Van Persie to Chip n Dale FC

Maybe some of these will go through but honestly who can you trust. Thank goodness for the World Cup next month cuz Im already bored!!!

Doing The Math

15 02 2010

In looking at the remaining matches for Newcastle United and their campaign for returning to the Premier League… looks really really good! Here is the break down:

-NUFC currently sits on top with 60 points
-16 matches left
-8 are at home where we are currently undefeated
-5 of our 8 home matches are against clubs we have already beaten
-3 of our away matches are against the 3 clubs currently at the bottom of the table
-1 of our away matches is against a club with a loosing home record
-currently 5 points from 3rd place with a game in hand

Looking back at the past 5 seasons in the Championship League the average amount of points that the 1st place club had was around 86 points. The average amount of points the 2nd place team had was around 82 points.

So if we just play the historical card we only need to win 50% of the rest of our matches to return to the EPL {where we belong}. But who wants to slip back up into the land of top form? Not me. I want to blast back up! SO COME ON LADS!! NO MERCY!! NUFC FOR LIFE!!

I’m Confused

26 09 2009


The news is reporting a 3-1 loss to Wigan for Chelsea.  What I don’t understand is why manager Carlo Ancelotti would purposely throw a match?  Was this a lesson for the team?  Some sort of motivational tool?  You all know this sport better than I do, so I’ll have to sort it out with you.  Regardless, a very strange and depressing thing to transpire this morning.

On Becoming A Chelsea FC Fan

24 09 2009

Re-posted from Criticism As Inspiration by guest writer, Mark.


I love sports.  But in my life I have typically never had teams that I followed specifically and of whom I would call myself a fan.  I have loved football (American) for as long as I can remember and just last year decided to follow the Houston Texans after a lifetime of having no team allegiance.  My reasoning for the Texans was simple… I had followed many of their players in my fantasy football league (I’m a nerd) and got used to wishing they would win, and finally decided to make it official.

After that however, I didn’t have anyone else.  Baseball – don’t watch it (if I wanted a steroidal freak-show I would go back and watch Pumping Iron).  Hockey – huh?  Basketball – love it, but again, don’t have a team I follow.  Golf – are you even allowed to root for anyone besides Tiger? (I think Nike would hunt you down and kill you).  How about soccer, or “football” as the rest of the world properly calls it?  Well, I played in AYSO when I was a youth but that was it, and besides who watches soccer in America?  You need to have special cable connections that unscramble signals from a pirated satellite in space to see a match.  And even then, Americans like sports with high scores, which is why your average baseball fan wants to see a ton of homers, not a pitchers duel.  It is near impossible to get excited about a 0-0 draw.  But I’ve found that a bunch of my hooligan friends do get excited over just such a world, and so they have dragged me kicking and screaming into the vortex of a sporting world full of passionate fans, large amounts of Russian money, gorgeous wives and girlfriends of players (WAGS), and of course drunken and violent thugs.

Shhhh, I'm about to make a sale!

Shhhh, I'm about to make a sale!

My introduction to this world was appropriately not by watching an actual football match, but in viewing a movie about violent football fans called Green Street Hooligans with my friend Jacob – who is a Newcastle United FC fan and therefore the butt of all jokes because his team was relegated from the Premiership to the Championship league, and also because his team sports jerseys reminiscent of Footlocker salesman.  In addition to the fighting I learned that there are other things fans can do such as drink lots of beer, curse, smoke, and wake up at the crack of dawn to watch a match all the while ruthlessly making fun of each other… things that I do enjoy immensely.  So I decided to join in the fun and choose a team, and thanks to the world of blogging I happened to get some advice from a Brit who rooted for Chelsea FC.

I have no idea who these players are

I have no idea who these players are

Immediately upon arbitrarily choosing Chelsea as my team I learned that I was now the most hated member of this band of friends – Chelsea being the New York Yankees of football apparently.  And while I don’t relish being hated, I do love the attention it draws, and also conveniently the fact that the team is awesome – just like the Yankees!!  So needing to fit in I have bought a jersey, since all these chaps wear their teams “kit” whenever football is being talked about, or being viewed, or being thought about, or when just going to the store for more diapers.  And so now I root for Chelsea FC, a team with a splendid and storied history, and try to remember who they are playing each week, and learn the names of at least three players (Lampard, Cole, Drogba… I think?), and know our record (6-0 beeyatches!).  It has been nothing short of fun in my brief stint as a football fan; I have an outstanding team to root for, a stellar coach (£9 million worth of stellarness), cool looking jersey’s, possession of the Community Shield, and the sweet, sweet knowledge that my team plays in the world’s best football league, The Premier League.  Only dopes follow teams in The Championship.